Wednesday, March 10, 2004
5:55 PM || Eargasm: Gary Jules - Mad World
Have you ever had one of those days where you just wanted to shout at the world and get really mad, but all you can do is cry? Well today is one of those days for me.
It's not like anything really went wrong today. I really don't know what it is. Actually, maybe I DO know. It's a combination of many things NOT going right right now - family problems, financial problems, anticipation over college letters, anxiety over the immigration issue, etc, .. and the list goes on. In a way, I feel as if I'm doomed to be a failure, or that I'm gonna end up alone. I shouldn't be saying this because I know there's people who care, people who love, but sometimes I can't help but to feel that I'm a lost cause. I always seem to end up asking myself, 'What is my purpose in life?' Sometimes I wonder what difference it will make if I wasn't here. Will anyone miss me? Will the people who claim to be my "friends" even notice that I'm gone? Who are my "real friends" anyway? Do I even know? How can I tell the difference between those who are just 'acquaintances' and those who will stick with me through the very end? Will anyone even care? These are all questions we all seek answers to. But now, more than ever, I need the answers.
Ugh. ;[' Something is wrong with me. My apologies for this post. I just needed to sort some thoughts out. Blame it on the PMS. Yea, maybe this overly-emotional state of mine is happening only because I'm gonna be on my rag soon. BLAH. Stupid hormones. All this thinking is giving me a headache.
I guess all I can do is think more optimistically and really try to figure out what it is I want out of life. And to do what it is that I want to do, and not what others want me to do. And really try my hardest to make a difference in people's lives. And to make the best out of every situation. And to remember that when all else fails, "just keep swimming." *Sigh* Okay enough. It's just one of those days ...