Wednesday, June 25, 2003
2:19 AM || Sometimes I wish that I wasn't such a jealous person. It seems like whenever my guy hangs out or just talks to another girl, I get this feeling like he's gonna cheat on me or something. Someone once told me that if you never get jealous in a relationship, then it means that you don't care. But in my case, it seems like the more I get jealous, the more the relationship falls apart. It's not that I can't trust my guy. I guess I have my reasons for being so suspicious sometimes. I'm scared that I'm not ever gonna be good enough for him, and if he find someone better, then *poof*, I'm outta the picture. I know that for a relationship to survive, both people have to place complete trust in each other. But I do trust him. I'm just scared. Scared of my heart breaking .. scared of being replaced so quickly .. like before. I never feel like I'm good enough. I'm so insecure about myself, that I get overly jealous when I see my guy with someone prettier, skinnier, etc.. It sucks .. but that's how I've been all my life. And I know it has to change.
Ugh. Maybe I am better off as a friend. As a "friend", I wouldn't have a right to be jealous because I'm not the "girlfriend." I wouldn't need the attention that I crave so much when I'm the girlfriend. I can hang out with the guys, and be completely comfortable being treated as "one of the guys," instead of the "girlfriend-who-needs-attention-all-the-freaking-time" treatment. I know we're past that stage where we have to show off each other to others through PDA or whatnot, so I really don't know why I'm acting so selfish. I guess it's fair to say that sometimes, a girl craves attention and wants to be smothered with hugs and kisses. But then again, it's fair to say that a guy may not want to smother a girl with hugs and kisses all the time. I'm so lost. I feel like we've gone through this before, yet we're back at stage one again. Just know this: you'll always have a friend in me .. no matter what happens.
And now .. to relieve my boredom. Kinda Really strange how I got the same results as Pamela. Haha. ; )
you really WANT to offend someone, but you're just too censored. too censored for your own good. you motherf*er, you.
Take the test, by Emily.
You are the Marilyn Monroe Barbie! You have a natural charisma and love attention. You want to entertain the world and people are drawn to your personality. On the other hand, you could also move to Los Angeles to become an aspiring actress/singer and eventually die hungry and alone, thinking that no one will ever see your talent. Ahh, well. You win some, you lose some.
Your the boxers. You leave everything to the last minute. Never on time for anything. And always caring about others before yourself.
Which underwear are you?